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When your partner has dropped the proverbial bombshell, “I want a divorce,” you need to move past the devastation into action after the shell shock is over.The Last Resort Technique has been developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis to save your marriage, your sanity, or both.

Usually, partners go into anger and aggressiveness (or worse, pity) towards their spouse as a distancing move and part of separating from the distressing situation.

You are asking yourself, “How can I do this when I feel like crap, I can hardly function, it’s a miracle getting out of bed each day, and things are horrible at home? Obviously, these are normal feelings and you are reacting as any normal person would in such devastating circumstances. Because I believe that in the heart of you, your true essence, there is a trooper. A part of you at the core can survive this – a part much stronger, mature, more confident, and wiser in dealing with tough situations.

Can I get you to take a moment to get in touch with that part of you right now?

People start to do an amazing reframe here and I often hear spouses wondering aloud with things like, “I am not sure I ever really loved him or her.” This is basically due to the suffocation the spouse feels.

It becomes a survival issue and you are the danger they need to escape from.

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